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How to be popular

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if you want popularity and for everybody but the eagles to hate you follow my directions.

ok, you decide one day that you want to be a "cool kid" and wanna join the team, heres how. start by wearing american eagle and Gap, even if you hate and despise them, remember uniqueness is not a desired trait for cool kids. find the most ridiculous clothes that say stupid things about places youve never heard of, all sponsered by american eagle. and you must spend insane amounts of money too, paying 60 bucks for a tshirt is cool. if your a girl buy one of those shirts with one really thick strap those are "cool" and the other eagles wont question your eagleness if you have one. if your a guy put piles of gel in ypour hair and run really fast into a wall, this will give you the desired upturned hair look. if your too laze get a hat with the number 3 on it and make the beak really ripped on front (actually the big e sells em pre ripped). wear it frontwards pointing up so it reveals where you ran into a wall earlier. this is a sure sign of being on the team. girls should only use the makeup tips from ym too, as this is the best way to look (like everybody else). girls wear really high skirts that would reveal your entire ass if they slipped an inch, this is good. girls also cant weigh over 90 pounds, because you should be skinny. girls should also bleach their hair blond and have orange skin (called the aguilera), this will make the boys like you. guys work out constantly and try and forget everything you ever learned in school. you have to make fun of everybody without the cool clothes mentioned above, and the only insult you should use must be about fucking somebodys mother, as this is funny and nobody else uses it. go to all the home team hockey games, even if you hate it, this is a prime gathering place. go to the parties everybody else goes to and drink your face off, make sure you tell everybody the same story about how some eagle puked and almost had his stomach pumped, this is cool and you should respect that guy. buy those adidas shoes, you know what ones i mean, those are a sure way to be cool. never associate with a noneagle, if they talk to you use the mom fucking insult, thats a good idea. and finally, dont do anything that would distinguish you from any other eagles, wear their clothes and thats it. hope you become cool!

-jacob with some help from Melanie

i guess theres a few good ones.